Are you worried about your sister’s relationship? Have you spotted signs that her partner might be controlling or manipulative? Or do you just have a gut feeling that something isn’t right?
These days we often hear terms like ‘toxic relationship’, however, if you’ve noticed any of the signs listed below, it’s possible that this could be abuse. If you have a gut feeling something is wrong, ask yourself “is my sister in an abusive relationship?”
It can be really difficult to tell when a relationship is abusive, especially for others outside the relationship. Maybe the relationship is an unhappy one, or challenging for different reasons, or its just a relationship that looks different from what we're used to ourselves.
However, if something doesn't feel right, or you've noticed a potential sign of abuse, don't ignore your gut feeling. Ignoring the signs could leave your sister feeling more alone. Taking notice is the first step to helping them.
When someone you care about is in an abusive or controlling relationship, it can be hard to spot the red flags, especially when someone is close to you. It’s natural to want to believe that they are happy, safe and thriving, but the red flags may suggest otherwise. Domestic abuse is not always obvious, and the red flags can be big or small. Click here to find out more about domestic abuse and the red flags.
Abusive partners often use tactics such as isolation, guilt, fear and intimidation to control their partner. This can leave victims feeling trapped, confused and powerless, making it even harder to recognise the abusive and controlling behaviour.
For more information on how you can help the person you're worried about go to our How Can I Help? page, join one of our free workshops, or talk to us.
If you are worried about your sister, or someone else, trust your gut. Here are 10 'red flags' to look out for:
She’s become isolated from family and friends
It is not uncommon to want to spend time together at the start of a new relationship. However, if your sister stops attending family dinners or other events she always used to attend, or she’s always busy, this could mean she is being isolated. Try and keep in touch with her.
She has to ask permission to go out or spend money
She says her partner is insecure, jealous, or worried about her cheating
Her partner makes all the decisions
She apologises for her partner’s behaviour
You only see your sister when her partner is with her
She gets constant texts or calls from her partner
Her partner makes inappropriate jokes, often at the expense of your sister
She may be avoiding you or acting distant
Her partner criticises her appearance or choices
Remember: This is not an exhaustive list, there are many potential indicators of abuse. Some behaviours might also have other, reasonable explanations. If you are still unsure, talk to us for free, confidential support.
It can be really difficult to determine if a relationship is abusive, but what is important is that we educate ourselves to spot the signs and respond helpfully. You can find more information regarding domestic abuse and how you can support your sister here: How can I help?
Alternatively, if you have recognised some of these red flags and are unsure what to do, you can call our confidential phoneline for a chat and we can discuss your situation anonymously and talk through options and support. Call 0300 140 0061 or find other ways to contact us here.
Controlling behaviour is not OK, and it can be dangerous. If you're worried about your sister, or anyone else you know, don’t ignore it.